Nana and Papa

My daughter is in the hospital in labor with my first grandbaby.  What a wonderful feeling to know that a new life is coming into our lives.  I already love baby Ryan so much.  The doctors are concerned that he isn't thriving in the womb and would do better if he was delivered early.  At 35 weeks he is measuring about 4 pounds.  They say he is close to a month behind in growth.  I am trusting that this little guy is going to be a Samson in strength.  He is so active in the womb and has a very strong kick.  Watching my daughter go through this process has been hard.  Her pregnancy has been anything but enjoyable.

Medical Leave

It was three months ago today that I took my last phone call at work.  My speech was so bad that the patient couldn't understand a single thing I was saying.  I texted my husband to come get me.  We went directly to my primary care doctor and I was put on medical leave.  That was the first day that I had to truly admit I wasn't getting better actually, I was getting worse and rapidly. 

Hope for Today

Complicated Dysarthria and Dysphagia

I have been waiting a long time for today to finally get here.  I will be going to Barrow Neurological Institute to be evaluated for my unintelligible speech.  I am both hopeful and scared.  Scared that I won't get any answers or that the answer is something I don't want to hear.  Hopeful that they will say, "Oh you have.... and here is a pill or we can do this procedure and you will regain full use of your voice".  For the most part I have had an amazing attitude and have kept my spirits up.  From time to time I am overcome with sadness of my loss to express myself but I have my little pity party and then pull up my boot straps and have a good laugh at myself. 
I had a videostrobe done at the hospital a few weeks ago that showed all my problems are Neuro related.  Nothing from my nostrils down to my vocal cords are working properly.  Not only is my speech affected but swallowing and breathing also.  Apparently they are all muscles that are controlled by the brain.  My research has not given me the best news.  I know you should never diagnose yourself from information you find on the computer but I have not had much luck with the nine doctors I have seen.
My husband has been so supportive and caring.  He must be just as scared as I am.  He will be by my side today.  He has become my voice.  If I can't get the words out, or can't be understood all I have to do is look at him and he says it for me.  After almost 28 years of marriage you get to where you can finish each others sentences.  He always knows exactly what I am going to say.  He also is the one that always understands me even when my speech is at it's worst.  My interpretor, my love.  He is such a kind soul.  A true gift from God. 
Today I might have answers.  More likely I will have more tests.  I hope and pray we are finally on the path to getting answers and solutions to what has become my silent nightmare.